The common cold of
poor leadership, poor management, poor friendship
is not listening.
Fixing Not Required
Simply being present for someone—without rushing to fix their problem—demonstrates confidence in their ability to determine their own work or life path. Silent companionship can be a gift.
If they later ask for our thoughts, we can share insights in a supportive way, including any legitimate concerns about their situation or intended direction. That is very different from immediately saying, Here’s what you need to do.
Simply Listening
Being an engaged listener is a rare and valuable skill. Too often, we appear to be listening while preparing our reply or letting our minds wander. It takes discipline and awareness to focus on truly hearing someone.
Sometimes, we are privileged to help someone at a crossroads in their career or personal life. Our instinct may be to tell them what we think rather than listen to what they need to say. A confidant—or any of us—can provide a great service by simply listening.
Psychiatrist Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, offers this insight:
Understanding a person’s hunger and responding to it is one of the most potent tools you’ll ever discover for getting through to anyone you meet in business or your personal life.
Everyday Listening
Active listening isn’t just for life-changing moments—it applies to the everyday. We’ve all had a spouse, partner, child, friend, or colleague share something that troubled them. Too often, I’ve failed to recognize that they just wanted me to listen. Instead of picking up on their emotional state, body language, and cues, I jumped in—critiquing, suggesting, and fixing. What I didn’t do was just listen.
I regret the times I’ve failed someone at a moment that mattered to them. To be a worthy confidant or just a friend, we must pay attention to what is truly needed from us. Sometimes, our silent presence is enough.
The Higher-Up-You-Go Rule
Some people just won’t listen—or they listen without having the authority to help. We’ve all been frustrated by a Customer Service representative who seems disinterested in serving. If we manage to get our issue escalated to a manager, we might get slightly better service. Maybe. And we wonder: “Does anybody here care?” I’m confident the leaders do.
CEOs and other higher-ups have likely experienced the same service frustrations themselves. These moments should serve as reminders to ensure our organizations don’t let customers feel unheard. One of my early mentors used to say—often demonstrating: “The higher up you go, the more interest there is in solving your problem.”
The Higher-Up-You-Go Rule has generally worked for me in business, international trade, and even government bureaucracy. We can apply this to our own businesses. When a customer escalates their issue all the way to us or another senior leader, rather than seeing it as an intrusion, we might wonder: “Do they have something important for us to hear?” Taking those calls—at least occasionally—and truly listening might not just help the caller. It could help our company. I put my faith on high.
